I promised after my last blog entry that I would explore the rest of the aforementioned Big List of The Benefits of Bachelorism and so, I bring you Walk Around Naked, Go Ahead – Part II.

1. Everything in your house is yours

I think this makes sense, not everyone likes to share, however, I can buy my own porn, I don’t need to use the playboys in your house. So you may keep everything as yours. Honest. It’s fine.

2. You don’t have to hide gifts, receipts and other purchase records in ridiculous places.

I have to say that when I read this one, I was like “True true.” Because if you buy someone a gift and they live with you, it is way harder to hide it.  However, gifts and receipts is only 2 of the 3 options here. If you are buying something that you have to hide from your significant other, aside from a gift, you should probably question why you are hiding it, and guess what, that probably means ya messed up. Sorry to be harsh, but it is what it is.

3. If you buy something “yummy”, you don’t have to buy twice as much.

I got nothing on this one. You should enjoy this aspect of being single. If you buy something yummy – I will want to eat it.

4.  The Only person you have to dress up for is your boss.

Dude, if you want to look like a scumbag, that’s all you. And probably the reason you are single in the first place.  Maybe your boss will date you though?

5. Less stuff to move when you do move.

Sir who wrote this – the amount of stuff you have in your home should not even matter at this stage in the game.  What should matter is that you are going to live alone or with your guy friends yet again.  Could it be because of your inability to share with others, dress like a classy adult and/or stay faithful in your relationship? Just asking.

6. Your Late Nights Are All Yours.

Now, don’t get me wrong, a night alone is sometimes in order.  A little ‘me’ time, a time when you do only what you want to do and relax in the privacy of your own home.  Nice? Yes. Do you want all of your late nights to be all yours? I don’t think so. But if you want to sleep and be alone forever, more power to you, we all have dreams.

7. One bedroom apartments feel more spacious with only one person.

This one just proves that your point isn’t even remotely valid.  Get a bigger apartment. If you have another kid and your apartment is too small, are you gonna kick out an infant. You know what, I don’t want to know the answer to that, but I would like to think that it is no.

8. You Never Have To Ask Permission to orgasm.

I’m not a guy, so maybe I am out of line here, but I rather have actual sex and wait for my partner to have an orgasm any night than not have to ask for permission because the only womans voice you hear is the chick in the porno.  Eh, maybe I am wrong. 

10. You decide what to shave and when.

This one really got me. Let me see a reaction if I went to have sex with any guy and there was any hair, aside from the hair on top of my head, on my body.  I love how it is okay for guys to talk about how much hair they are willing to accept on a girls vag-il-area but if you even request a guy trim facial hair because it is leaving visible scratches on your face, all of a sudden we have crossed into “no-females-allowed” territory. Spare me.

11. Valentines Day Costs Less

Not all guys, but most guys, buy some flowers and candy (usually not both). A lot of guys do not just give their ladies gifts just because, so I do not think it is too much to ask to make a small purchase on this day. While I am someone who boycotts Valentines Day (usually when I am not in a relationship) because I think it is a money making scheme that everyone has somehow fallen into, I still think that if you are part of a couple, you can get it together for one day and buy some chocolate or something.  Not that big of a deal…seriously.

12. No anniversaries to remember

Dude, buy a planner for goodness sake.  One day a year, one. That’s all. Get a post it, set an alarm on your phone. Do something. Geez.

This show was awful, the guys were dirtbags and the girls were clearly idiots for being with these losers.  These guys had all these girls on the side but reassured their women that they were the ones who really mattered. When I watched it I was thinking (and shouting at the TV) “girl you are so stupid, this guy is using you and playing you!” Aside from causing me to unnecessarily scream at the tv screen, the show really made me question women as a whole; the women who were calling these guys their Men and the girls on the side who were allowing themselves to become involved with the men who are in these relationships. A lot of questions arose for me; “What are we, as women, doing to each other” and “What is a bottom bitch”?

Bottom bitch was the phrase one of the men used in an episode of Tool Academy to describe his girlfriend. Since then, I have heard the phrase on various occasions. The writer of a fantastic internet article entitled “Stop Being The Bottom Bitch” (blackgirlsareeasy.com, btw not a fan of the title of the website, but trust me, this guy is a young Steve Harvey)

“Our mothers tell us we can do anything, but it’s another female that often takes our confidence to another level. The Bottom Bitch. The Bottom Bitch is the reason you walk with a limp, she’s the reason that you don’t fear rejection from other girls, she created your swag. No matter what happens in your life, how broke you are, what other girl breaks your heart; she will be there to pick up the pieces. Bottom Bitches are chicken soup for the ego, and because of her we’re able to hold our heads high at our lowest moments. The funny thing about the Bottom Bitch is, once you get to your destination, she’s the first one to go.”

How can I confirm this definition for you? Well, I know this is going to come as a shock to many of you, but I, the lovely, well spoken, assertive, and obviously humble, Gina, has, at one point, dabbled in the role of bottom bitch. Let me preface by saying it was a complete accident.  Also, I am not afraid to admit that I am ride or die when it comes to the person I am with. If you’re my boyfriend, fiance, husband, I got your back. I’ll cook dinner, I’ll be adorable in front of your family, I’ll be funny around your friends, I’ll bake for you and most importantly I’ll do all the stuff that I don’t feel is lady like to include on this here blog. Bottom line is, without sounding pompous, I’m a catch, and I am aware of that. But it took me getting, as I like to call it in verb form – bottom bitched – to realize what a catch I actually was.  See, I had to find out that the issue with the ride or die mentality in a relationship is, if one person is riding or dying and the other is just riding, the bottom bitch scenario is bound to come into play.   And if you, or I, or any female, is doing everything she can to make her man feel like he is the most attractive, successful, sexiest being we have ever encountered, while coddling their every need, and is getting next to nothing in return, being broken up with, then gotten back together with, being fed lines like dollars in a vending machine – it’s likely you are being bottom bitched.

Probably the worst part of being bottom bitched, is the part where another woman (or women) comes into the picture.  This is the part I like to call the I feel pretty effect. I think it is important to make your partner, male or female, feel as if they are the most attractive person in the world to you. This is good in a functional, equal relationship. This is bad in a bottom bitch scenario.  You’re low self esteem boyfriend + “Baby you are so sexy” = “I’m really sorry, I met this girl….” Ugh. TISE. (Take it somewhere else). Look, as a person who has been both bottom bitched and obviously as a result cheated on, I was devastated, hurt and, probably above all, angry as all hell. But you know who made me almost just as angry? The chick involved.

FEMALES – WHAT ARE WE DOING??

Seriously, what is the deal? We are a downgraded minority in our society, we have songs sung about us being bitches and hoes. We have constant media messages being sent to both adult females and little girls that we are not pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough, and then to add insult to injury, within our control – we directly send these messages to one another? It’s a disgrace and if you, as a female, knowingly engage yourself in flirtation and sexual interaction with a person who you know is in relationship….hmmm how do I put this nicely…get your shit together.

And ladies I know it can be hard. Some people, both men and women, are real convincing and talk some serious game. “Oh, yeah we are together, but things haven’t been good for a long time and I’m gonna end it soon”…At that moment, you look him in the eye and say “K, well it seems like you have some things to sort out with your girl, you should handle that.” That’s it, the end.

Steve Harvey says it best in Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man (Which if you  are a female and haven’t already read this, it is part of your growth as a human being that you do) men will cheat as long as their are women out there willing to cheat with them.  (And guys, I am not saying all of you cheat, this is in no way, shape or form, meant to man bash, it’s actually more of a call out on women). Now I understand that if you don’t know a guy is with someone, you cannot be held accountable, I’ve been there, if I don’t know you are in a relationship, I simply think its fair game. But as a female, every time I have been in a situation where a guy is in a relationship and I am very much aware of it, nope. Sorry. And a lot of females try to rationalize this, “Well, I’ve been cheated on before, so whatever”, no hunny. 1) Did you like it when you were cheated on? 2) Unless the same girl your original guy cheated on you with is the girl that is dating the guy you are about to aid in cheating, you have no case. And even then, you’re being a fool.

The idea of the bottom bitch and the cheating female, both come down to one thing – Self Respect and Self Esteem. I know it sounds corny, but I am woman enough to admit that I would have never been in a bottom bitch situation had I known my worth. And these girls who are cheating with guys who are taken, yeah it is first and foremost the guys fault, but ladies, I’m gonna be very frank – when a guy is cheating with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are hotter than his girl, freakier than his girl, or he obviously sees a future with you and not his girl, it means you’re pussy. And it means you weren’t enough for him to risk ditching his girl to court you and see what you are really about.

I know this was a lot to take in. And I, myself, am not perfect, we all make mistakes and all make bad decisions from time to time. But it is important to remember that you’re actions effect other people and if you cannot seem to wrap your head around that, remember one simple phrase I heard in the recent past -”Karma is a bitch and she never forgets an address.”

Whenever we would tattle on one another, my mom would say “Just worry about yourself”.

I find myself hearing those same lines a lot these days and it kind of makes me sick to my stomach.

See, the hypocrisy that was surrounded around my mom using that line was never obvious to me as a kid, but is very much so, now, in my adulthood.

My mom would NEVER “just worry about herself”, and did not raise 2 kids who “just worry about themselves”.

“Why?” You ask.

Because it’s wrong.

I have to branch out on this and make myself more clear.  This all started in my head when I was standing up for somebody and was told that I should just worry about myself.  Now I understand (yet personally struggle with) the idea of putting oneself first.  Taking care of oneself is the ideal way to ensure that one can take care of others.  I also understand that professionally, a person needs to often bite their tongue in order to get ahead of other colleagues.  However, I am a firm believer in the “what’s right is right” mentality.  I am not declaring I am perfect, I am declaring that when something isn’t right, or something is completely wrong, or worse yet, there is obvious shady business, regardless of how little it has to do with you, something should be said.

It is my belief that there are 3 types of people in the world…

The Black & White Person

 The Black & White Person, is the person who sees not everything, but most things, as RIGHT or WRONG.  This person comes in some different extremes, I’ll go ahead and enlighten you as to what they are.  The one extreme is the type that fights everything without really considering if it is in fact something they believe in. The other type is the one that picks the battles of greatest importance in their eyes.  The Black & White Person believes that something may not be effecting him or her directly but it is effecting their peers, and because of that, they need to take a stand.  They don’t necessarily pick things to battle, but their frame of mind is, even if it is not popular to say something, if something is wrong, then it is right to speak on it.

    The Passive Folk

    The Passive Folk are the people who do not stand up for anything.  They keep quiet and go about their business.  Sometimes they stand up for things that directly effect them, but usually, they will just allow The Black & White Person to do that for them.  The Passive Folk were around when a sit in was about to go down, they wanted to take part because they knew it was right but then thought “Um, you know what, that’s okay, there are already other people sitting”. They generally feel that something should be done, but never want to be the one to do it, they figure someone else will do it.  It is like when my mom used to yell at us when no one refilled the ice cube tray when there was just 1 cube left.  I am sure my sister felt the same way I did when putting the tray back in the freezer…it’s not empty yet, I am sure someone else will do it when they use the last cube.  The most unfortunate thing about this group of people is the fact that many of them will excel in life, mostly because our society looks at people who don’t speak up as ideal followers who will do what is asked of them, regardless of the amount is costs their pride.  An example of this is actually from an episode of King of Queens.  The law-firm Carrie works for had a very successful trial, landing them thousands and thousands of dollars.  As a gift for their hard work, the partners gave the legal secretaries, including Carrie, a basket of lotions and candles that resembled items purchased at the dollar store. The legal secretaries were talking about it to one another and Carrie went off about it and said a bunch of insulting stuff having to do with the partners and the baskets.  When one of the partners later asked all of the secretaries how they liked their gifts, Carrie and the others thanked him, but one of the secretaries said everything to the partner that Carrie had said behind his back.  The secretary who did this ended up being promoted because the partner felt that she had “Moxie” .  For days after that, Carrie tried to prove to the partner that she also had moxie and she was the one who originally made the insulting comments.  Carrie knew what was right, but didn’t want to suffer the consequences of speaking up for herself and others…

 The Wannabe Revolutionary

There is nothing worse than keeping quiet about what you think is wrong, until of course you meet The Wannabe Revolutionary.  Oh you have seen them out on the street, in your learning institution, maybe even in your family.  This is the guy (or gal) who acts as if they are fighting for the cause until their is a hint of any consequence.  An example of this type is a person is, lets call her Nosha.  Nosha is friends with a group of people who are all really upset about a historical building being torn down to make room for a Dave & Busters.  Nosha and her friends decide to protest outside of the building.  Later that day, Nosha runs into a guy she has a crush on and he says “Nosha, I thought I saw you in front of the historical building protesting, I can’t believe anyone would try to keep that building up, you can’t play Guitar Hero in there, but you can at Dave & Busters.”  Nosha replies, “Omgosh, I totally agree with you, that definitely wasn’t me, I would never try and keep that place up, maybe when Dave & Busters opens we can play Guitar Hero together!”  No one likes a sellout.  Pretend revolutionaries are useless and annoying… and embarrassing to themselves.

I personally consider myself to be more on the side of The Black & White Person.  The times in my life that I have gotten in the most trouble have been because I stood up for something that was very obviously right, and because it was something that was trying to be kept under wraps or something that no one else wanted to say anything about, I suffered mild consequences.  I, personally, am proud of the fact that I have the ability to stand up for myself and the people around me.  That is the kind of person I choose to be and desire to be in life, and my personal feelings are that if you do not have any kind of passion in life, particularly for your beliefs, then why even get out of bed in the morning?

When you really take a step back and think about it, it comes down to this; What kind of world would we live in if every single person just worried about themselves?  In my opinion, the good side of society operates on selfless people who pride themselves on their beliefs and give up their time to ensure that others, particularly those struggling in hard times, are taken care of.  A portion of that society also thrives off of those who see bad going on in the world and say something about it…because it is the RIGHT thing to do.

I am not saying go outside and find the nearest protest and get down to business.  Nor am I saying go to work and curse out your boss because you feel as if he doesn’t treat you right.  I am saying, if you see something going wrong or you hear something that is not right, open your mouth.  Don’t be a person without any desire to help change even a fraction of the world around you, including the people in it.

**Climbs Off Pedestal**

                   and

A conversation about either or both of these shows is often avoided with me because I can go on and on and on and on and on and…you get the point.  I used to regularly watch these shows when they first came on. At first it was a new reality show to watch when nothing else was on, then it was like strangely addicting.  And now, I am at a point where I cannot even watch it for 15 minutes without becoming extremely frustrated and having to shut it off. If something stirs up this much of a reaction within me, I should probably talk (write) about it, don’t you think?

Good. Me Too.

We live in a world where sex is one of the most important things and the more time that goes on, the younger the sexual participants are. Take a look at the movie She’s Too Young. A 2004 lifetime movie that depicts a 14 year old girls experience with being pressured into oral sex and, hence, becoming apart of a syphilis epidemic at her high school.  While this movie is hysterical and I definitely cannot sit through it with a straight face, it does a great job of showing how sex is no longer an adult topic and the naivety that lies within teens in regards to sex … no matter how much sex education is given.

<<<—–And by the way, watch this, even if I was a virgin, I would still think I had syphilis at the end. It is a feel good dramatic comedy. (Except it is not supposed to be a comedy at all).

So sex. If having sex is no longer just an adult topic, then having babies is no longer just an adult issue.  According to guttmacher.org, around 750,000 U.S. teens between the ages of 15 and 19 become pregnant…EACH YEAR. Which is no wonder, because by the same source it is stated that 7 out of 10 U.S. teens have had sexual intercourse by their 19th birthday.  A condom has to break or not be used somewhere in those stats!

So Gina, you are sharing sex stats, I thought we were talking about tv shows?

Oh, we are.

Things happen, and sometimes people get pregnant unexpectedly. It especially happens when sex is being had at ages where responsibility is not focused on and, even more so, teens are still in the stage of “Nothing can happen to me” thinking.  I think there are some incredible mothers, fathers, or both who have had a child at a young age and have raised or are in the process of raising some great kids.  So shoutout to them – but I am sure they would agree when I say that some great turnouts are no replacement for wanting to decrease the rate of unexpected pregnancies.

Now, I am not a genius. (Well, I kinda am. But it isn’t proven.) But I do not think a show romanticizing teen pregnancy and teen motherhood is a positive step towards decreasing the number of teen pregnancies.  16 & Pregnant walks you through the last weeks of pregnancy, the getting ready, the awesome baby shower, the birth and then a little bit after the birth.  They do not show you the part where the girl is late and sees a positive sign on a pregnancy test. Or where she sits her parents down and tells them, or even where she sits the father of the child down and tells him.  While they do often display how the teen mom wishes she had waited to have a child and how it is a struggle to take care of the baby at first, the teen ALWAYS has some kind of live in support, where it be the father or the child, parents, grandparents or all of the above.

This isn’t real life. Hell, I am 25 and the thought of seeing a positive pregnancy test and having to call my mom and tell her I am pregnant MORTIFIES me. When teens are watching this, they are seeing, usually, the boyfriend hanging around because the girl is pregnant, and then see a cute baby and a nursery and all the cute stuff that comes along with pregnancy.  They don’t focus nearly enough on the struggle of teen pregnancy and teen motherhood. So I guess that is why they decided to throw on Teen Mom.

Teen Mom does a better job of showing the not so wonderful parts of motherhood. It still shows the cutesy moments of teen motherhood, however that is apart of motherhood in general. So I cannot say they have to erase all of the cutesy parts…just the show in general.

Fact of the matter is, it’s not mom, dad, the sex ed teacher or anyone else who has the loudest voice in the ears of most teens, generally and unfortunately it is the media that does. Before these shows, the media SCREAMED sex as is, so how good of an idea is it to show teens that it is cool to get pregnant, your parents will get it, you will end up wealthy and at the end of the day you could even end up on a really popular tv show.

But then again…maybe I am wrong about all of this….

Probably not.

]]> http://noonelikesacynic.wordpress.com/2011/06/27/can-i-bring-my-baby-to-the-prom/feed/ 0 ginbea25 16-and-Pregnant 456x330 MV5BMTIzOTExNjQzOV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjI4NTcyMQ@@._V1._SY317_CR20,0,214,317_ aton364l baby_shower preg1 http://noonelikesacynic.wordpress.com/2011/05/24/cuchi-shop/ http://noonelikesacynic.wordpress.com/2011/05/24/cuchi-shop/#comments Wed, 25 May 2011 01:39:06 +0000 Gina http://noonelikesacynic.wordpress.com/?p=221 ]]> Yesterday I had the pleasure of viewing a youtube video, a link compliments of a famous Political Scientist, that struck my interest and supported much of what I talk about here on No One Likes A Cynic.   The video is basically a young lady, Amber,  using the Beyonce song “Run The World (Girls)” as a tool to discuss inequality amongst males and females and the discrimination that women face regularly.  Let me go ahead and let you view the video and then I will tell you what really irked me about the piece.

So, I thoroughly enjoyed this video.  One, I was blown away by the excellent grammar, secondly, I was further blown away by how well spoken Amber is.  Aside from those two things, I felt the thoughts within the video were intriguing and I definitely agreed for the most part.  How well researched her facts are, I don’t know, nor do I care to do the research on my own at this point.  A lot of the video was opinionated – and her opinion – I related to.

So Gina, if you agreed so much with what this woman said…what irked you?

Thank you for asking! What irked me were the commentaries. I am all about opinions, I am not the type of person who believes that just because I do not agree with your opinion, it is stupid or you should change your mind.  However, there is a difference between having a strong or mildly strong opinion about something and having a complete lack of educated thought behind your spoken words.

There were many comments on this particular video, some applauded the video and the ideas in it.  Others said they disagreed, but to each their own.  And then there were those people.  By those people, I mean people who are talking just to talk. Who have no facts behind their thoughts and disregard reality because it is more comfortable that way.  Many of these people were upset because they felt Beyonce was being attacked when, as was stated, the song was being used solely as a tool to bring up a heated issue.

Many comments were related to how Amber was offending Beyonce and how this was obviously a girl power anthem.  Many comments stated that Amber should “sit down” because it is just a song. And I want to thank the people who said that, because they are the problem with our society.  That sit down and take it mentality.  The idea that speaking the truth and saying what is right is, well, not right.

While Amber made a very clear, even though apparently misleading to many who commented, that her video was not, in any way, created in an attempt to attack or insult Beyonce and/or her song, I would like to discuss Beyonce and her song….and other women and their songs…

I have nothing against Beyonce, she seems like a lovely person, I will not spend a lot of time getting to know her personally because I will never meet her, nor will I go through great lengths to do so.  She is obviously talented and successful. Kudos. She also sends some messages that are less than desirable about women; Just as an example, Beyonce spends a majority of this particular song stating how women run the world and should be respected and so on and so forth and then states “Boy, I’m just playing, come here baby, HOPE YOU STILL LIKE ME, if you pay me”.  So women can be powerful and run and the world and do this and that, but let’s not be too mean to the boys, because, well, then they won’t like us…

But like I said, let’s be honest, Beyonce isn’t the only famous artist who has downgraded her fellow females, so she cannot take all the blame…

Nicki Minaj has done a wonderful job of acting like, what she thinks, is a doll, which in itself displays a barbaric image of women, but her lyrics are
always intriguing.  Particularly when speaking about women.  I understand, the rap game and music game and acting game and so on is all about playing a part for the media, but it doesn’t mean that these acting roles do not effect those listening to them.  Specifically, the young women of our society. Now I bring up Nicki, because her songs scream “Hey I am a girl, so I am good for….sex. Yup. That’s it.”  Let me drop some lines about Cuchi Shop….”First I take they order at the cuchi shop, then I send them a girl that can make her cuchi pop, then I smuggle all my money through the spot”. So Nicki, you are running a whore house? Thank you for that portrayal of the female sex.

Picture from www.mixtapetorrent.com

One of my favorite women up for discussion in the recent past, Katy Perry.  A lot of people think Katy is this sweet, innocent gal, but look closer, I stopped falling for it awhile ago. Let’s view an excerpt from the song California Girls; “Sex on the beach, we don’t mind sand in our stilettos. We freak in my jeep, Snoop Doggy Dogg is on the stereo. You can travel the world, but nothing comes close to the golden coast. Once you party with us, you’ll be falling in love.”  So Katie, in order to have a guy fall in love with you, you would need to AT LEAST do one of the following – Have sex on the beach, wear stilettos, have sex in vehicles, live in California, party hard, wear bikinis and daisy dukes. I am glad I know now…woo, pressure off.

There are so many more (Rihanna – S&M, Avril Lavigne – What The Hell, etc) but I digress. My main point is WAKE UP TO THE WORLD AROUND YOU LADIES! I am not saying turn off the radio and swear off music, heaven knows I will not, but don’t act as if the degrading of women is not something that continues to happen on a daily basis. I am also not saying to become a revolutionary activist or that men are not discriminated against, you do not have to do that, and I know they are, but those are not the issues currently being discussed. Acknowledge the fact that women are still scene as sex objects much of the time and that many women in power make a lot of money off of that fact.  Would I if I had the opportunity? I would like to think I wouldn’t. I am simply saying that female performers are not always going to please everyone with everything they say and do, it’s impossible, and as ‘artists’ they are entitled to express themselves however they see fit, what I am asking is that females as a whole take into account that the generations who follow you have their eyes open and their mind switched to absorbent – just keep that in mind.

So, besides badgering from blog followers, there was an instance yesterday that made me say “Gina, you better get back to your blogging”. So here it is…

I am driving home yesterday, in my girly car, listening to some Kiss 98.5, reflecting on my day when I hear a horn beep.  My first thought is, what did I do wrong?, My second thought was, is it someone I know?, so I
look next to me. There is a guy, about my age, maybe a little older, making kissy faces at me.  So I just look away.  Then he beeps again, I look over, he is licking his lips.  I look away.  The guy is driving next to me and making sure he is at the same speed as me, beeping over and over to get my attention.  When I looked over the last time and he gave the infamous oral sex tongue wiggle, I gave him an overly disgusted, offended look and made my way to a safe place to make a turn off of the main street.

So there are a few things I would like to discuss following this event…

1- Broad daylight folks. Broad daylight.

2- Crowded street folks. Crowded street.

3- The main topic, if you please…What did this “gentlemen” expect to happen?

In fact, what do any of these “gentlemen” expect to happen when they make suggestive facial expressions at women or call out the following common phrases:

• Hey Shawty!
• Let me talk to you!
• Come here for a minute!
• Etc.

Let me be clear, I am not stereotyping all men, I know the majority of you guys do not act like this, unless of course you are performing some kind of comedy skit, but for those of you guys who do act like this, I have a question for you – What are you thinking? Seriously. What?

For instance- what did the guy in the car yesterday think was going to happen?

Was I going to signal for him to pull over and when he did, was I going to get out of my car and beg him to whisk me into his car and have his way with me?

Odds are, (and these are pretty strong odds kids), that was not going to happen.

I am so happy I was able to find a clip of that particular Jerry Seinfeld piece because when I first heard it, I was like “Omgosh, is that what it is?!” I just HAD to include it in this blog.

Fact of the matter is, I have shamelessly hit on people too, but they were people who, for starters, I was face to face with. It is just silly to me. If you want a female to speak to you or pay you any mind do not shout, beep, pucker your lips, or do anything related…just speak like a normal human being and then maybe, can’t make any promises, you will get somewhere with the opposite sex.

Why!?!?! I ask you! Why?!?!?!!!

Oh, I am sorry, here I am babbling on when I should really explain what is going on in my head…

I bash men a lot. And I have mentioned in the past that it would be a lie to say I hate men.  It may actually be easier if I did. But I love men. Do I like the way some of them act a lot of the time? No. But women too. They are not the innocent virgnic angels I wish, as a woman, I could say they (or I) were.

Gina! What are you getting at?

“My boyfriend cheated on me!”

He is likely cheating on you with a woman.

“I found a females number in my husbands pocket!”

The keyword is in bold.

Text message on mans phone “Hey boo, when you coming over?”

Texted by a woman.

I am not sure if you, the reader, have noticed a trend here, but for the biggest, most common things I hear disgruntled, betrayed ladies say… the secondary culprit is ….a woman.

When regarding straight, female -male relationships, the biggest reason there are such deep wounds and hurt feelings and, probably most importantly, negative baggage that is carried into future relationships, particularly romantic relationships, is the guy cheating or fraternizing with a woman that is not the person he is committed to.

Trust that in a very near future blog I am going to go into detail about the following revolutionary, knowledgeable piece that was recommended to me by a handful of women.  It is a book that if you have come in contact with me and have discussed any issue having to do with men involving a relationship with me, I have recommended to you.

“Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”

Written By: Steve Harvey

For this blog entry alone, I want to point out something vital that Harvey states

For as long as their is a woman willing to participate in an affair with a man who is romantically involved…there will always be cheating.

Preach it Harvey.

As a woman who has her fair share of romantic tangles, I can tell you that each and almost every one of those (clarification to come…**) have ended with me having hurt feelings because of not only the man I was involved with, but her. She was the one who always made me hate myself. No particular her, I used her as a group term.

Should I have hated myself because of the combination of those males and females? No.  Of course  At the end of the day it is scarcely a womans fault when she is cheat on or replaced by another woman, but still…

The clarification to come…**

A big issue in relationships is that women force men to pay for the mistakes of the past guy.  It has taken me a great deal of time and experience to understand that the make the man pay mantra is not the correct path to take in the next relationship.  But that is where the mistake comes into play…I was thinking I (and like so many other women) was so upset and self conscious and hurt by the guy and while that has a great deal to do with it, I think maybe I was more upset by the girl. I love the fight for your rights fem attitude, and it pisses me off that, to put it bluntly, women will drop any obligation they have to their gender, simply for dick.

Real Life Examples:

(No names are being used and if you assume you are in any of the situations below, you probably were. These are purely for examples sake, let’s not make this a “Gina is slandering my name even though I have no clue what slandering means” situation. K. Thanks.)

• Teenage girl has boyfriend –> Boyfriend and best girl friend start flirting –> boyfriend and best girl friend start dating.
• Teenage girl hooks up with guy at part time job –> Guy at part time job starts hooking up with teenage girls girl friend at part time job.
• Young adult is dating boyfriend for a long time –>boyfriend says he just can’t imagine himself with anyone right now –> anyone did not include the girl he worked with.
• And it goes on….

In 25 years of life, I have only had one boyfriend who I have not had to punch the image of him with another woman out of my head. Mind you, it took about 23 out of 25 years for that to happen. Hence, this whole men cheating on women with other women thing…..too common.  Much too common.

This has been a lot of rambling. A lot. Some organized…some not so much. I guess what I am trying to say is, people are always going to cheat; straight, gay, white, black, men, women, etc. That is not going to change…all I am saying is…as a woman, I should not fear my romantic relationship with a man ending over one of my people. We should be working together. Not apart.

I leave you with a quote from the first female secretary of state, Madeleine Albright:

“There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.”

I digress.

Now, I am going to start my first blog of 2011 by asking you, the reader, to listen up.  I know there are a lot of blogs out there, in fact, according to my Facebook News feed, the number of people creating blogs is growing by the second (or by the month), and I want to thank you for choosing No One Likes A Cynic as your blog of choice.  So for 2011, I am making a promise to give my loyal Cynic enthusiasts plenty of quality reading material on a very regular basis.  So here goes nothing…

I have always been that person.  What do I mean by that person?  The one who cannot just “go with it”.  How can I be more clear….let’s see…the only things I have ever gotten in major trouble for have all been surrounded around me speaking up for something I believe is right.  I have always believed that it is important to speak up, because we are all supposed to be fighting for the greater good.  And that my friends, is the topic that I have chosen to start off this year of blogging with:

Maybe this is going to sound harsh…but I am so tired of people bitching about stuff in their lives but never actually doing anything about it.  Now, don’t get me wrong…I bitch way more than I ever should, but one thing I pride myself on is that I am not all talk when it comes to standing up for what I believe is right.  Have there been times where I have faltered?  Yes, of course.  But for the most part, I am pretty loyal to my “fight for my rights” mentality and if I am not loyal to it…it follows me around like for, pretty much ever.

Gina, may I have an example?

Of course! At a former job, I dealt with a ridiculous boss, who broke so many laws in terms of harassment and ridiculousness, that I should have screamed from the rooftops about it.  Did I? No. Why? Because I didn’t want to deal with ‘starting trouble’.  Huge regret.

I mention this because it was a one time deal.  This was a time where I dropped the ball. But all around me, on a daily basis, the vast majority of people are dropping the ball in this area.

When we look back in the history books, the people who stood their ground, particularly those who were arrested and made a ‘scene’, are the people we make a positive example of.  The people we look up to.

Martin Luther King Jr. is someone who stood his ground and fought tirelessly for racial equality.  Particularly at the time of his fighting, his thoughts were very unpopular, hence his run ins with the ‘law’, but he still kept fighting.

Miep Gies helped to hide Anne Frank and her family during the holocaust.  Miep Gies was not Jewish and risked being murdered as the price to pay for helping to hide anyone of this culture.  Even though her life was on the line, she still did what she did because it was the right thing to do.  It was that simple to her.

Rosa Parks did the unthinkable and sat in the front of the bus. She was arrested for this because, at the time, this action was against the law. Yeah, it was against the law, but Ms. Parks did the unthinkable because she knew what was right and made a point of fighting for that.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton fought for the rights of women in a mans world.  I mean, it is still a mans world but when Ms. Stanton was fighting for these rights, women were not even allowed to vote. Her fight towards female rights was not a popular one amongst men and even some women, but she kept fighting and look where we are today.

Now these are fighters on a larger scale, I am not asking you, the reader, to fight this intensely, nor am I stating that I fight this intensely.  What I am saying is “Do what is right!“  It seems like a pretty simple notion, but by the looks of things it is not.  It seems as if when fighting for what is right will lead to any kind of stress, some people not liking you, etc., that is the point people step back and think to themselves “If it is that important, someone else will speak up“.  No. If that was the case, most of the problems in the world would be solved.

My request is not for you to go out and start fighting in the streets.  Quite the contrary, in fact.  My request is for you to USE YOUR WORDS! Stand your ground! If someone wrongs you in your personal life, in the work place, anywhere…speak up! If someone wrongs someone around you, whether it is your family or someone standing next to you while in line at a store….speak up!  We all have a voice and we all have values, so express those and stop being so afraid of the outcome.

People like MLK Jr., Miep Gies, Rosa Parks and Elizabeth Cady-Stanton are just a few people we look at as people who showed us what courage is and who cleared a path for us to enjoy several different liberties.  It is important to understand that if these people can make this possible for our society to enjoy certain freedoms, you, as a person need to fight for rights as well and probably more important…speak up to protect the rights that are already in place for us.

So now that I have put a little pep in your step…1) with a new blog and 2) the empowerment to fight for your rights.

P.S. I know this wasn’t a funny blog, but it was a necessary one. =D

Yup, you read correctly.  My birthday.  This friday I will be turning 25.  A quarter of a century folks.  So what better topic to discuss than the last 25 years of my life?  I can’t think of anything better?  I’ve decided that this is the perfect occasion to discuss what I have learned in the last 25 years about the following topics: School, Love, Movies/TV, Music, and Sex.  With that said, please read on, because tonight I bring you…

What I Learned In A Quarter Of A Century

-School-

So out of 25 years, I have spent 21 of those years in school.  Starting in preschool to currently attending gradschool, I think it is fair to say that I have a pretty decent take on schooling as a whole.  I remember growing up and always being told that certain things would help me down the road.  Would you like to know what I really learned throughout 21 years of schooling?

• You can be fat in high school, but you have to be popular first.
• If you raise your hand and get the answer wrong you do look like an ass.
• Do not write or discuss anything controversal, you will, without a doubt, get in trouble.
• Do not publically fight for what is right within your educational institution unless you are ready to face very negative consequences.
• Gym is horrible unless you are on an athletic team or are very able to fake cramps.
• The likelihood that it will ever be found out that you forged a parents signature is relatively slim.
• I would have been much better off now if i learned how to balance a check book and manage my credit rather than learn that x= I still don’t know or care.

Love/Relationships

 In 25 years I have learned a great deal about love and romantic relationships.  Sometimes I learned the easy way, other times the hard way, but in the end, I have always come out of every love-related situation more knowledgeable and just a tad more bitter.  So in the last 25 years I have learned the following about love and relationships…

-Don’t say I love you unless you really, truly mean it.  Don’t simply say it to fill in silence during dinner.

- Flirting is cheatings ugly cousin.

-If you are about to flip out at your significant other, count to 10 in your head before saying anything, calm down and journal about it later. Seriously.

-If someone uses the phrases “I don’t know if I love you anymore” and/or “I fell out of love with you”, just let them go. Take it up with a therapist, not the person who says these things.

- Try not to plan out your relationships, I was convinced I’d be married by 22 with at least 2 out of 3 kids and a golden retriever by now.  Nope.

Movies/TV

I am sure we have all watched our fair share of movies and television in our years of life.  I have watched way too many hours of movies and about triple that many hours of television, so I know my stuff.  Probably not nearly as much as Political Scientist Star Johnson who can recite several line from any show or movie you toss at her, but I like to think I know my fair share. So some changes and thoughts I have come up with in my 2 and a half decade life -

• -I never understood my mothers love for Patrick Swayze until I got a little older and now two of my favorite movies are Ghost and Dirty Dancing.

-I may not be smarter than a fifth grader but I would pay big money to be on Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? Great show and educational.

-A major movie fact I have learned over the years is that Home Alone and Ghostbusters break the rule of all sequals are bad, however 99% of third movies in a series suck.

-Forget Dora, bring back Rainbow Brite! Even though she was white and only spoke english, I know understand that she was still diverse…and very obviously for gay rights.

Music

As with my television and movie knowledge, I also hold some musical knowledge.  In fact, I like to think I have much more musical knowledge than my viewing knowledge. With that said…

-To my knowledge, rapping used to be about smooth lyrics promoting red light specials in a less slutty way, opposed to animated, in every single song rappers, who flat out talk about fucking and sucking dick.  Excuse my language but I am  just speaking the truth.  I’ve learned to appreciate the older rappers.

-I’ve noticed the difference in pre-teen and teen performers.  While Willow Smith whips her hair back and forth, Hanson used to Mmmm Bop. To be honest with you, I am not seeing too much of a lyrical difference over time.  I learned that sometimes even pointless music is fun.

-Some constant figures throughout the years : Mariah Carey, Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, Michael Jackson, P. Diddy (or Puff Daddy or Puffy Combs), Will Smith.  I learned that all of these artists have added something to our musical genres today, yesterday and will do the so still in the future.

Sex

WARNING- The following is not for the eyes of those easily offended, so X out or deal. Thanks!

Even though I am saving myself for marriage, I have definitely learned quite a bit from the media and my friends.  Unfortunately no first hand experience here, but I’ll tell you what I’ve learned about sex from others…

-Every sitcom leads you to believe women have no desire to have sex and always get “headaches”, I have learned that this isn’t true.  Usually if she says she has a headache, she actually does have one.

-Health teachers tell you sex doesn’t feel better without a condom.  I have learned that this is a lie, so I have heard.  While it does feel better, guess what doesn’t…herpes.  So, make a choice.

-I have learned that you should Always, Always, Always return favors.

- I have learned that you should never ask if you look fat during sex or condescend yourself during sex.  It’s a turn off.

-  Something else I have learned is that trying new things is fun when you are in a relationship, however,  If you break out the costumes on the first night, the other person might be a bit hesitant.

Like I said, this is all word of mouth…

As you see I have learned a lot over the years.  Some good, some bad, some first hand, some word of mouth, but all informative. In 25 years I have faced a lot of disappointments and have been blessed with a lot of wonderful things.  I have met people who have amazed me how they even get by day to day and also people who I do not know what I would do without. I would have loved to have been more detailed with this particular entry, and if time allows further in the week, maybe I will, however, another thing I have learned in my 25 years of life is that if you don’t pay rent, you get evicted, and you need to show up to work to get paid, and therefore, sleep awaits. 

Goodnight all and please leave a message in order to find out my address where I can receive gifts….

First stop on our walk is a pretty recent one – Tiger Woods and his wife Elin

If you haven’t heard about this said ‘scandal’, then you are not really on a walk with me, because you are desperately trying to crawl out from under a rock.  Whether you have heard or have not, I will gladly inform you of the cheating ways of Mr. Woods. Throughout the marriage of Tiger and Elin, which was about a 7 year span, apparently the cheating was going on for somewhere around 4 years.  Not with the same one person the whole time but apparently with different women.  What was Elin doing while Tiger was out knocking his balls all over town (and not just on the green)?  Oh, she was taking care of the couples 2 kids, now ages 3 and 1.  If you don’t think it’s twisted enough that this was happening through the majority of the marriage, Tiger blames his infidelities on the game of golf.  Apparently, Tiger says that golf is such a ‘selfish’ game that it taught him to believe that he can be selfish in every aspect of his life.  Interesting Tiger.

Let’s stop by this lovely tree where we can chat about Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley…

I am a self proclaimed fan of Hugh as an actor, but, and I apologize if I offend, I always had a feeling that off the set he was a complete douchebag…and survey says – I am right. Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley, who could be possibly best remembered for her role as Vanessa in the Austin Powers movies, were seriously and could be believed to be exclusively involved for thirteen years.  The two met in 1987 on the set of one of Grants’ movies and seemed like a happy, sexy couple up until Hugh was arrested in 1995 for cheating on Elizabeth.  Why was he arrested for cheating, you ask?  Oh yeah, because he cheated with a prostitute.  As if cheating isn’t awful enough, you wanted so badly to have sex with someone who was not your significant other  that you PAID someone?  I don’t know. I think that is borderline sick, but to each his own. Hurley actually stayed with Grant until 2000, which I don’t know how she did, but they ended up parting ways that year, but still remain close friends.  She’s better than me…..

Let’s continue on our walk of cheating and chat about Jon & Kate (plus eight)

I gotta start out by saying – what the hell? Dude, and by dude I mean Jon, you have 8 kids with the same woman. 8. What the hell?  Now I have watched this show multiple times, yeah I’m man enough to say it, and I will admit it – Kate is naggy and annoying.  But it was because she could not stand Jon.  At least these are my thoughts.  The episodes that were aired after Jon left, she was a joy.  Super nice with the kids, really great, not yelling.  Maybe Jon made a good decision by cheating on the mother of his 8 children.  I understand his wife was naggy and there was a lot of pressure at home due to the 8 kids and all, but Jon, grow a pair. An important fact of marriage that people really need to start to grasp is that when things get tough and stressful, you don’t just cheat and/or leave, you figure out what needs to get done in order to work it out.  And if it cannot be worked out, then you handle it like an adult.

Let’s cross the street…I think I see Usher and Chilli!

I remember first listening to Usher when I was 11 or 12 on cassette tape on my walkman while in the car with my Nana & Pop.  Along with my Usher cassette tape, I had my TLC Crazy Sexy Cool tape on hand.  I loved both these artists and I still do.  Both super cute and both make awesome music, you would think it could have worked out.  Guess not.  Chilli and Usher were together from 2001 through 2004.  Usher cheated on Chilli and it was brought on, according to Usher, by him proposing marriage to Chilli and her saying no.  Listen Usher, your sexy, so I am going to go ahead and give you some words of advice; Firstly, if you cannot deal with the fact that a woman said no to marriage (which would be extremely hurtful to ones ego and heart) then break it off with her, don’t cheat.  That’s pretty simple.  My other word of advice is after the cheating escapade, Usher stated he was a sex addict.  Usher, I like to have sex too, but I don’t believe under any circumstance that I am a sex addict.  I think you may be a little whorish, but not a sex addict. I think at the end of the day you are someone who knows that you look good, you know you have money and you know you can get almost any girl you want, and you use those factors to your advantage and possibly to the disadvantage of others. Even though deep down inside it does seem as if you would want a long lasting love, you need to understand that love does not equate to sex.  Later in life, Usher married but now him and his former wife divorced after only 2 years of marriage and apparently had been separated after only a year.  They had 2 children, Usher said he did not just want to try and make it work for the kids.  I do not think you should ever stay in a relationship “just for the kids” but Usher, trying to make it work after a year of marriage doesn’t mean you are trying to make it work for the kids. It does mean you are being an adult. I am not saying stay in a loveless marriage, however, I am saying if trouble arises, you don’t just walk away.  Especially after that short of time, hell, I have popsicles that have been in my freezer longer than 2 years.

Oh Look! A bench, let’s sit and chat about Brangelina…

I have to say that this was probably the infidelity that really got to me the most.  Despite how it may seem, I don’t really follow the celebs or even know most of them.  Aforementioned Political Scientist Star Johnson (Please refer to American Women: I bring you – Missy Smith)  can attest to my lack of knowledge in regards to celebrities, however, this adulterous triangle, I knew about.  Why did it matter to me so much that Brad Pitt cheated on and then left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie?  Firstly, I have made it clear I am against cheating.  Secondly, this particular situation of deceit was filled with a bunch of no-no’s.  Jennifer and Brad are and were both famous so obviously their marriage was very public, point being, there was no way, no how that Angelina did not know that Brad was married.  Because Angelina was aware of Brad’s relationship status, that makes her a disgrace to women everywhere. She totally screwed over a fellow female…publicly.  And the word publicly leads me to the horror that sucked me into this whole disaster the most; Brad didn’t even seem to be straight forward about the whole thing, Jennifer apparently kept finding out different tidbits of the cheating via the media.  Going through cheating and a divorce is hard enough, imagine going through it, continuously,  in front of millions of people everyday? I rather not.

We are almost at the end of our walk, so let’s finish up our journey on a political note: Bill & Hillary Clinton

A young intern at the time, Monica Lewinsky, age 22 was a household name during the presidency of Bill Clinton.  I’ll be straight forward, Monica gave Bill head supposedly 7 times while she was working in the white house.  Mr. Clinton denied the accusations for quite awhile stating that he did not have sexual relations with her.  According to Clinton, because he had not technically ‘participated’ in any sexual acts, meaning did not do anything in return, he did not believe that he had sexual relations with Lewinsky.  So let me get this straight Bill, you are not only a cheater, but a selfish lover as well?  After trials and badgering, Clinton admitted that maybe he did not have sexual relations with Lewinsky but rather, an inappropriate relationship with her.  Hillary Clinton stood by and continues to stand by her husband, Bill, despite his little lap relationship with Monica.  I think there are a few factors that cause this case of infidelity to differ from the others I recently stated on our walk.  For one, Hillary stayed with Bill – I have to say, I am a firm believer of the idea that if your partner cheats, it’s over, but I have also never been married to a president, and won’t likely be married to one at any point, which causes me to think that I have no idea what I would do in a situation such as this one.  The second factor is while the celeb love debacles that I wrote about earlier were public, which usually adds insult to injury, this was The President of The U.S., which means, he is not only famous, but people actually depended upon him to be honest and trustworthy and I think when he cheated, an act that fully encompasses lying, on Hil, the public was not only drawn in by gossip, but they also doubted the person in charge of America.  That’s rough.

Well, I hope you enjoyed our walk down ”Good Job Cheating On Your Significant Other, Ass” – Lane.  There were some interesting stops, all troubling.  If we can learn anything from these sites its that cheating really only causes more trouble.  Break up with your significant other if you really feel you cannot work it out. Not only can cheating cause a loss of trust, a lot of hurt and permanent emotional wounds, it also, on a very serious note, is becoming a more and more frequent and sure fire way to spread STD’s.  We all make mistakes, no one is perfect, so I am not saying if you have cheated, you are someone who is a hopeless, awful person.  I am just saying, don’t do it again. Remember kids – Honesty is the best policy!