Walk Around Naked, Go Ahead.

If you know me at all, you know I want to eventually get married.I’ve never doubted my desire to do so, like a lot of people, I just always assumed I would.  As I approach the elderly age of 25 next month (December 10, gifts of all types will be accepted), I am always making comments about how marriage time is ticking, as is my biological clock.  You can imagine how many potential suitors I have seeing as how most guys in their 20′s are extremely turned on by women who point out the wedding dresses they like and gush over baby clothes.  Eh, it is what it is.

Well, originally I was going to research different reasons women were single and counteract those with reasons I would prefer to be married.  However, while researching, I could not find any honest, for real, all joking aside, articles or lists that were serious reasons women preferred to stay single.  But, let me just tell ya, there were so many articles and sites dedicated to letting men know why they should stay single.  Of course…because all women are SOO evil and impossible to live with. Cue the rolling of eyes please. There was one site in particular that displayed “The Big of The Benefits of Bachelorism”.  I found some of them, well most of them, to be ridiculous, so as usual, I would be honored if you, the reader, would let me share my thoughts with you. I am not going to list all 101, because I know you all have lives, so I will just list my faves.

1. The only person you have to dress up for is your boss

Dude, if you want to look like a scumbag, that’s all you. And probably the reason you are single in the first place.  Maybe your boss will date you though?

 

 

 

2. You never have to ask for permission to orgasm. 
I’m not a guy, so maybe I am out of line here, but I rather have actual sex and wait for my partner to have an orgasm any night than not have to ask for permission because the only womans voice you hear is the chick in the porno.  Eh, maybe I am wrong.

 

3. You decide what to shave and when.

This one really got me. Let me see a reaction if I went to have sex with any guy and there was any hair, aside from the hair on top of my head, on my body.  I love how it is okay for guys to talk about how much hair they are willing to accept on a girls vag-il-area but if you even request a guy trim facial hair because it is leaving visible scratches on your face, all of a sudden we have crossed into “no-females-allowed” territory. Spare me.

4. You can walk around naked whenever you want.

I am starting to think maybe this list is referring to a relationship between family or something.  I don’t really care if we live together and/or we are dating and you walk around the house naked. My only request, outlandish as it may be, is that you cover up your penis if my family and/or friends are over.

 

5. You can fall asleep anywhere and not hear about it in the morning.

If we are married, I don’t mind where you fall asleep.  You won’t have to hear about it in the morning.  You won’t be able to…the locks will be changed.

 

6. You don’t have to worry as much about the “oops, I’m pregnant factor”.

This one is correct. There is no risk of pregnancy with masturbation.

7. If you want to go for pizza at 3am, no one stops you or asks why.

This is a perfect example of how close minded the creator of this is.  Most girls I am friends with would just make sure their guy made sure to bring something home for them also. I am included in this.

 

8.  The cute secretary is fair game.

Let’s review, you dress for no one but your boss, you don’t want to shave ever and you seem to prefer masturbating over actual sex.  The secretary doesn’t want you. Trust.

 

 

 

9.  You can throw yourself into bed and snore without dire consequences.

I actually snore extremely loud. You would just borrow some of my breathe right strips.

 

 

10. Married people are fatter, on average, anyway.

I’m not married and I am fat. King Me.

 

 

 

 

When reading this list, the last person that the writer must have dated was obviously a raging, stereotypical, control freak of a woman. Most women actually do not care about most of this list.  Throughout the course of the next week I will be tearing apart the entire list on the blog. So stay tuned! Until then, I hope you enjoyed another eye opener as to how women are looked at as evil wenches who try to control all men! My pleasure, as always!!!

Welcome Back Wayneee!!

American Women – I bring you: Missy Smith

As Per Usual – Fair Warning – This blog entry contains topics of an adult nature. If you are offended in any way, please feel free to stop reading. This specific entry, can be considered extremely offensive to many, so I do apologize in advance, once again, feel free not to read.

Today was the day. Election day! I hope all of you kids went out to vote.  It has been a political season filled with debates over who would be best for each job, but more so who was funded by the most important people and who supported education/new health plan and abortion. I already spent this election season disliking Paladino in Buffalo and just as I was running out of things to rhyme with Paladino, along came a person I hadn’t heard of that absolutely infuriated me. I received a call late one Saturday night from Political Scientist Star N. Johnson.  Knowing my love for a good debate and my feelings towards womens rights, Ms. Johnson felt it was necessary  to alert me about Missy Smith, republican candidate for congress.

Ms. Johnson questioned me as to whether I had heard about Smith and her graphic commercials being aired in an attempt to promote her campaign. I hadn’t, and as I had previously mentioned, I never even heard of Smith before, so word about her ‘commercials’ was also news to me.

Smiths commercials are made up of images of fetus’ post-abortion and deceased infants.  Smith is campaigning against, what she calls “The Death Party”, i.e. the Democratic Party.  (I will not supply  a link to the commercials. I happened to stumble upon them accidentally while trying to avoid them while seeking out more information on Smith, but I did not watch a whole commercial, mostly because I couldn’t stomach it.  If you do wish to view these commercials, you can just google Missy Smith and her political website comes up, fair warning, they are on the home page of her site.)

The first thing I was made aware of about Smith were these commercials.  I find creating commercials such as these to be tactless and inexcusable.  If you are against abortion, that is your right as a human being, but no one has to be subjected to the images you choose to air to the public (including children) that can raise feelings aside from abortion.  I would like Smith to understand that abortion is not the sole cause of death in regards to fetus’ and/or infants.  There are miscarriages, still borns, and other causes of death in infants that women do not, under any circumstance, control.  By Smith showing these images, she seems to think she is empowering women to make the ‘right’ decision in terms of abortion, when in reality, she is making a mockery of the loss of infant lives and the women who have experienced those losses.

Don’t bother to clean out your ears. You heard correctly, Smith had not 0, not 1, but 2 abortions.  I honestly do not judge those who make that decision, I am not, in any way, saying that Smith is a bad person for having those abortions.  What makes her a bad person is her obnoxious and offensive behavior towards campaigning against abortion and acting like a martyr when she did the same thing…..TWICE!

Smith obviously openly admits to her abortions, however, she uses this as a way to say it is a decision she has regretted her entire life and she wants to prevent other women from making the same mistake.  Smith admits that she was pressured into having her abortions.  This happens all the time, in fear of being in some kind of trouble or ruining a single or family reputation, a woman is pressured and pretty much forced into terminating her pregnancy.  I believe this to be factual, not all of the time, but some of the time. That is what Smith says happened to her.

Sorry Smith, I am not convinced.  Smith often states the year of her first abortion (1971), maybe in order to underestimate the knowledge of her public, because she chooses not to state her age at the time.  But in case you are interested, her age at the time of this abortion was 28 years old. Think about it.

In the video I posted above, Smith raises some great points regarding the responsibility of clinics to be able to view bad situations and report those situations (i.e. incest, rape, statutory rape).  I agree with this, but Smith is trying to blur her argument here, in my opinion at least.  Smith, do not make it like everyone who walks into an abortion clinic is in these particular situations and don’t make it like you are fighting for this small percentage of people.  If the only issue that Smith has with abortion is troubled situations not being reported to the correct authorities, than there are really no need for the commercials of aborted fetus’s, now is there?

Smith was arrested for acting in a peaceful protest that she disrupted the peacefullness of due to the fact she wanted to rip up anything supporting “funding the murder of babies”.  Smith speaks about her 2 days in prison saying that she found it to be such an inspirational and rewarding experience because “90% of women in prison have had abortions”.  Missy, Missy, Missy – with all do respect – where the hell are you getting these stats?  I am not a master of abortion stats but after performing some research, I cannot find much information on this, specifically none to back up that stat, so yeah.  According to Smith also, “All women regret having an abortion”, wow, with the hefty amount of abortions that Smith states occurs in our country, how did she possibly manage to have a personal, reflective, emotional conversation with every female? My thoughts are that she didn’t, hence she has no place to speak for all women who have ever had an abortion.

So if you are for gay rights, I know what you are thinking “Gina, at least she hasn’t dissed the gays”, oh you already know she has, and if you didn’t…here you go:

Paul Craney, the D.C. GOP’s executive director, said Smith approached him months ago about her run for Congress. “I asked her not to run,” Craney said. “It wasn’t really a campaign. It’s just ads about abortion. . . . Her tactics seem to be out of sync with the city.”

Smith wasn’t surprised by the brush-off. “They’re homosexual. Why do you think they would support me?” she said, noting accurately that the local party’s chairman is active in the Log Cabin Republicans, a national group of gay GOPers.

I can honestly write about this for hours, but I have work in the morning that does not include standing outside and making women feel like absolute shit about themselves.  Before I end this rant for the evening, I want to make something clear.  I actually have no specific take on abortion.  I think it depends on the situation and as much as I mock people and make fun of others, I try extremely hard not to judge people in such emotional, personal and hard hitting situations.  I do have to be honest though, when reading about Smith and watching some videos of her speaking, she had an uncanny resemblence to a person or persons that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.  Then it hit me, when I used to work at Starbucks on Elmwood and all the creepers that hung around Elmwood would come in and act completely crazy – yup, resemblence to Missy Smith.

Sexy Can I?

So, as I try and follow points and enjoy ‘Weight Watching’, I have had a lot of different thoughts about where the obsession with weight and appearance within women comes from. I’ve never been skinny. I’ve been close, but never skinny. But even when I was pretty thin, I hated my body.  I’m sure it had something to do with the fact that I was constantly made fun of because of my weight when I was growing up but I am going to do what people always do – blame it on the media.  But I am not just going to keep it simple and leave it at that.  I would like to go a little deeper into this.  In my opinion, which is usually correct, the constant sex that is portrayed in our everyday society is personally, making me feel pretty crappy.

I watch it all, Kendra, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, you name any sexy reality show, I watch it.  I love it. Does this make me a hypocrite? No.  It makes me someone addicted to seeing sex on tv. Eh, the usual.  Moving on – Now that I am starting to better my body, I notice myself being more and more in touch with how I used to feel when I was a teenager. I remember being so jealous of so many of the girls I went to school with because they were thin and I just didn’t get it. I didn’t get why I had to work so hard and some people were just born that way.  It wasn’t until in the recent years that I learned, it isn’t really something to get.  It’s life. The reason I don’t look like a playboy bunny is because I don’t have parents who are parents of a playboy bunny. Oh, also because my insurance doesn’t cover breast implants. Oh…and because I eat my weight in chocolate.  I am almost sure those are all factors. My point?  Patience my readers…

Are these girls sexy? Yes. Do they make me question my sexuality? Absolutely. Will myself, as well as the majority of women in our everyday lives EVER look like any of these women? Definitely not.

So Gina, the suspense is killing us, what is the point of this blog entry?

I bring you…The 5 Sexiest Women In Current Media & Why I Hate Them…

1) Kim Kardashian 

So Kim is hot, we are aware but what makes it worse is not only the fact that we see Kim and think she is hot, but then the sex video? Thanks Kim, not only are you a sex symbol in general but then you also have to show your skills in the bedroom.  You couldn’t just stay as a fantasy masturbatory aid, you had to show everyone the real thing?  Thanks Kimmy, Thanks.

2) Kendra

I love Kendra. I think she is adorable and just super cute, inside and out. My beef is that since she has had her baby, she gained some weight, obviously, and has been very upfront about it on her show.  While I appreciate her honesty, I am curious to know why a woman who just grew a human being inside of her for 9 months still has a better body than me, post delivery.  Not cool Kendra.  I’m gonna need you to go ahead and hold onto your baby weight at least until Hank Jr. is entering preschool.  Eat up doll face.

 

 

3) Onto another Kardashian – Khloe

Ah yes, Khloe, the fat Kardashian.  Except not at all.  Khloe, while I enjoy your love of animal rights, and I mean that in all seriousness, enough with the acting like your a chunk -cause ya not.

“But Gina, she lost weight, thats why!!!”

Oh, poor naive, imaginary commentator, in an interview with Khloe, she admitted she is a size 6 but she has been as big as a SIZE 10!! Omgosh, a size 10, how did she even leave the house? Okay, I know I am being obnoxious because in hollywood land (and Kardashian land) a size 10 is obese, but before, after and in between weight loss, guess what Khloe…you are thin. So, spare me.

4) Beyonce

Oh B. You are supposedly one of  the famers representing women who are not a size 6, but don’t worry, I don’t consider you to represent me. Just because yu have a big ass does not mean you are “full figured”. She really does have a great body, but since we are on the topic of ‘B’, I’d like to throw a shout out to the fellas.  I have had so many experiences sitting in a room with a male and a Beyonce movie comes on, or music video, or etc. etc. and the guy says “Jay-z is a very lucky man.”  I have experienced this on several occasions with more than one guy.  Newsflash boys: No female wants to be sitting with you in a room and hearing you make those comments.  How about you say “I’m a very lucky man to be sitting next to you right now.” We know Beyonce is hot. So shutup.

Mariah Carey

Mariah. 40 years old. Knockout. 40 is not the new 20, so mariah, I am going to need you to get ugly and droopy pretty quick. You tend to have breakdowns every once in awhile, so I am going to help you out.  Give me your phone number and every morning I am going to call you and tell you how perfect you are. Breakdowns prevented. I gotchu Mariah.

After you have finished reading this, I know what you are thinking – “Damn Gina, you are really a hater.”  My response? I’m not a hater I just crush a lot…

except no, I am a hater.

It’s Not Baby Fat…It’s Just Fat, Baby.

When you are a baby it is called chubby because you are still super cute.

When you are a teenager, you are likely to still be made fun of relentlessly, but you will be told by adults, for the most part that it’s just baby fat. You’ll grow out of it.

Then it happens. You are 24 and there is no longer the cute excuse of a baby or the pre puberty excuse of a teen, it’s the lack of excuse of way too many Oreos and a lack of anything even relating to  exercise.  With that said:

Hi, My name is Gina, I’m 24 years old and I am on a mission to look like a Kardasian…not necessarily Kim…I’ll settle for Kris or pre-Quick Trim Khloe.

In all seriousness, I would like to just be way more healthy than I am now.  I’ve never been super skinny and even when I was thin, years of being bullied led me to believe I looked like I was 600 pounds when I was actually pretty small.  Dieting, to me, has always been about just getting thin in a short period of time  so maybe a boy will think I look just as good some other girl they are already having sex with.  Now that I am a little older, more mature, more..debonair, if you will, I feel as if it is time for a permanent change in my life for the present and future life of Gina.

Gina, are you going to have an extreme form of surgery in order to change completely?

Oh no no, silly fake commentator.  I am looking to just completely change my lifestyle.  A healthier way of eating, less food and a more physically active way of life.  I actually have this handy dandy membership at the Jewish Community Center, however for the last few months, the money that has been taken out automatically to pay for this membership has strictly been a donation to the organization seeing as how I have not stepped foot in there for workout purposes.

Another way I am looking to help my cause is my joining Weight Watchers.  I cannot even count how many times I have joined Weight Watchers.  This time I went to a different location because I felt like such an ass for quitting so many times at the last location.  For those of you who are not familiar with the Weight Watchers program: you follow a points system and weigh in once a week.  Once you weigh in, you go to a meeting.  The meeting is ran by a Weight Watchers Leader who has already achieved his or her weight loss goal. So low and behold, even after traveling to a different location just so I do not have to look like a giant fail, I walk on back to the meeting and the leader running it is the same one from the location I was avoiding. Of course.

So, Gina, aside from the fact that you think you are getting too old to be referred to as chubby, what do you think is actually going to make you stick to losing weight this time?

Good question. This time is quite different than the six thousand previous times I have tried to lose weight.  There have been a number of breaking points.  It will be my pleasure so share:

1. A cashier, that will remain nameless, blatantly makes fun of me whenever I buy something that is the slightest bit unhealthy.
2. My body hurts. Like, always hurts.  Let me reiterate, I am 24 years old.

Fact of the matter is, it’s time for an Obama…I’m sorry, a change.  It is important that you know the reason I am sharing such personal information regarding my body and life is because if I let all of you know, my lovingly and new supportive blog community, know about this decision I have chosen to make, I am less likely to drop the ball here.

So stay tuned and I will be happy to fill you in on my fails and successes of my weight loss excitement.

Just When I thought I Owned My Vagina…

The Following Blog Entry Involves Topics of  An Adult Nature. If You Feel Offended At Any Point – Please Discontinue Reading.

Tis’ the season for political commercials, lawn signs and bumper stickers. Hence, tis’ the season Gina straps on her political hat and starts to check in on the issues that she only cares about.  One of the most important of these issues, the one I take most personally, are those surrounding women’s issues.  Which brings me to my FAVORITE part of every political race – when the males (usually the majority of the candidates) play a little game I like to call “I have a penis, but I am going to tell women what to do with their bodies”.

Mr. Brown says it best – The world would be nothing without women but at the end of the day – it is still a mans’ world.  Now, I do not consider myself to be a feminist. I am for the empowerment of women and I’ll be the first to yell and shout about womens’ rights, however, I have been known to yell and shout about race, religion, animal rights, and pretty much anything that I feel should be shouted and yelled about.  I do, however, feel very strongly about women’s rights, probably because I am a woman.  And don’t get me wrong, I am not a man-hater.  In fact, the disgraceful rumors are true – I love men. But some men, the men who tell me  and 1000′s of other women what to do with our lives, that’s when the dislike occurs.

I don’t consider myself pro or anti anything.  This is not what I am writing about. I am writing about the fact that I find it absurd that the person who can make decisions regarding my baby making and my ability to obtain birth control pills is someone who is not capable of carrying a child.  I am a firm believer that until you personally experience every situation that surrounds accidental pregnancy, you cannot have a completely valid opinion on issues concerning women and their bodies.  Along with that, if you are a man who does not believe insurance should cover birth control and things of that sort, I would like to see you stay completely abstinent until you are legally married.  My point is, it is easy to make decisions and take positions on issues that can never really personally effect you directly.  So, for now on when you approach me or any other woman to discuss why you believe in certain issues concerning females – you better be able to show me that you have a vagina.

Adam & Eve – Not Adam &  Steve

My favorite part of so many past and present political rants is “I was raised Catholic/Christian/etc”. I was raised Catholic and I still consider myself to be Catholic, however, my Catholicism would not play a role in my campaign if I ever decided to run for office.  Why? You ask. Because many years ago, there was this amazing thing put into place, or at least so we thought, referred to as separation of church and state. If you are Gay, be Gay. If you don’t like people who are Gay, don’t like people who are Gay. I hear “it’s a bad example for our children”. I am not a parent, so I am not going to tell anyone how they should raise their kids, but I can pretty much guarantee that being around a person or people who happen to be Gay, is not going to kill your offspring. Relax. It’s fine.

Moral of the story?

If I ever grow a penis – I will make decisions about vasectomy’s

If I ever get fired – I’ll be in a position to make rules about unemployment

And if I ever have sex before marriage (doubtful) – I’ll be in a position to make decisions about prevention of pregnancy

So, with that said – diamonds are not a girls best friend, vagina’s are…so unless you have one…back off…bitches.

 

 

Damn You, Cinderella.

I think it is only appropriate to use my first official post in my blog to discuss a topic that will serve as the purpose for several years of my therapy sessions…The American Dream…

i.e. the degree, career of perfection, hubby, chubby cheeked babies, amazing house, 401K, dinner on the table by 6 American Dream.

Not only was I born and raised in America, where this dream was created, but I am also Italian, Roman Catholic, Irish and from Long Island.  What does that have to do with it?  As an Italian I was taught to have dinner on the table by 6, as a Roman Catholic I was taught to have a bunch of babies, as a Long Islander I am supposed to have the perfect house & career and I suppose the Irish aspect comes into play when I start drinking to deal with the aforementioned.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I am personally so warped by the messages that society has, to put gently, beat into my head from the day I was born.  I think this started really getting to me the day I found myself in a deep depression because at the age of 24 I lacked a husband, 2.5 kids, a $150,000/yr salary and a life I woke up excited to be a part of everyday.

Then I had an epiphany.

What if I started to change my view of what this so-called American Dream is.  I mean, let’s look at the downfalls of this glorified lifestyle:

• Having your degree: I have a degree in english. What am I doing with my life, writing a blog.

• Career of perfection: I haven’t found a downfall of this yet.

• Hubby: The divorce rate is like 50% now. That is one of two couples. That means if you and one of your friends each marry someone, you are both going to inevitably try to destroy each others marriage simply so that you and your husband are not the divorced 50%.  Point: Marriage ruins friendships.

• Chubby Cheeked Babies: Sure they are cute, but by no fault of your own, as a mom or dad you will try to give your kids the best life you could supply, hence leading your children to further endure the pressures of the American Dream and the cycle continuing further.

• Amazing House: Property taxes have gotten completely out of hand, is this really something you want to deal with?

• 401K: How are your kids ever going to get financial aid to go to college if you have a huge amount of money just sitting aside for retirement.  The government will laugh in your face.

• Dinner on the table by 6: TBS runs Seinfeld reruns during this time, what could you possibly be thinking?

I don’t think you can ever completely shake the idea of what we are supposed to live up to in the generations just now starting and completing college.  I think the amount of loans that we, as students, are left with are just proof of a society that, with an attempt to be secretive, perpetuates poverty hence never really allowing us to achieve the dreams that we grow up believing to be achievable.

Okay Gina, aside from your political rant, what is your point?

Moral of the story is: Try to envision yourself at 70 years old looking back at your life, what would you want to remember and what in your life do you think would have brought you a sense of accomplishment?

At the end of the day, you have to really be aware of the lies that are fed to us.  When looking at examples we grew up with, i.e. fairy tales, just remember, things ended much differently after the dvd stopped. The night before Cinderella married the prince, the stepsisters had a threesome with Prince Charming to steer him away from Cinderella; After the wedding, Prince Eric brought Ursela back and convinced her to give Ariel back her fins because she didn’t have sex with him every night; Aurora was not under a spell, it was simply a ruffe that she was given at Prince Phillip’s frat party; Just saying…